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i’m not having a nervous breakdown right now but a lot of people come to my blog because they are having a nervous breakdown

at least that’s how it seems to me. no one cares that i am a writer. that’s okay.

i check my stats compulsively. a lot of people search for things like “what to do when i’m having a nervous breakdown” or “nervous breakdown” or “i am having a nervous breakdown” or “books about nervous breakdowns” etc…

nervous breakdown

i started this blog while i was having perhaps the largest nervous breakdown (so far) of my entire life.

one day i brought all of my books to my car–that’s down a flight of stairs, out a locked gate, past the lease office, across a parking lot. i put them in my trunk. it took me perhaps 10 – 15 trips taking a large box each time. it seemed like my books were the only important thing i had.

before that i emailed lots of people about quitting the mfa program at antioch university.

these emails were written with a feigned ironic tone. i actually felt terrified while i wrote them.

someone emailed me recently and said these “old posts” were funny. i guess they were kind of funny. i feel that my blog has turned into something boring and similar to every other blog in the world. i want my blog to be unique. perhaps i should write more blog posts like this.

my good friend PA mike died last weekend. i haven’t really cried about it yet, yesterday, however, I was at work, alone at a storage lot, in an extended cab / huge wheeled chevy silverado. i made a 300 point turn and screamed at the top of my lungs the whole time. i’m not sure what i was yelling at. i felt defeated after i finally parked the truck. then i went back to the office and sat at my computer.

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