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today i am confused about poetry and about myself

I received a phone call from antioch university. it was one of those phone calls you answer out of curiosity because you’re so excited about some unfamiliar number.

i told antioch university that i had no money and i feel that i sort of chickened out, as i had intended to tell them how “artistically beyond” them i was. i failed, in a way.

i received an email from antioch university also — the details of this email are vague, yet i feel somehow sad about the whole ordeal.

i feel childish in fact.

I came home to try to write stuff and read some new poem on muumuuhouse and then wrote about this homeless guy that i bought 2 99c carl’s jr. burgers for.

i feel influenced in a way that i do not like because goddamnit i dont write like muumuu house people and i feel, in a way, like i am supposed to write like muumuu house people…

I have a growing collection of seriously awesome fucking poems — Ben Doller said these poems are good — and he’s fucking right. Will someone please publish these poems? Either online or in print. Anyone?

Also, thinking that I want to start a e-zine. I have sweet web design skills and can make a bitchin website. I think im gonna do it soon. Maybe. I don’t know though, I’ve been wanting to do it for a while.


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